


The Scent of Cherry Blossoms (the Odor of Blood)

by skyfyre



Category: Tokyo Babylon
Genre: Angst, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 11:45:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2810915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyfyre/pseuds/skyfyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Subaru has to move on after the loss of the two people most important to him. But one of them is still alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Scent of Cherry Blossoms (the Odor of Blood)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



            In the wake of trauma, living life becomes difficult. It should be obvious. Subaru had been dealing with other people’s tragedies his whole life. People died, they felt loss and pain, and he helped them move on. He couldn’t help himself move on, though. There was nothing to move on to. His whole world revolved around two people, and they were both gone.

            A week after Hokuto’s death – her murder, Subaru forced himself to think – he looked in a mirror and saw his sister looking back at him. But it couldn’t really be his sister. He knew that. Not only was she gone, killed by the man Subaru thought could love him, but in life she would never look like he looked now. There were dark circles under his eyes, his face was gaunt, and his face was more pale then he could even pretend could be healthy. Hokuto had always insisted on eating well and getting enough sleep. So much was going on in his life, he had to keep his strength up, and she needed to keep up her good looks. All that was only secondary to the haunted look in his eyes, that would never have been reflected in her’s. She was determined and optimistic. If there was even a trace of sadness, she would chase it away with cheer and hope.

            Subaru stared in the mirror and felt even more broken than before. Everyday he lost his sister a little more. That night he took a pair of scissors and cut his hair.

***

            The first time Subaru saw Seishiro after Hokuto’s death, he had trouble believing it was actually him. For the longest time the ghost of him had been following Subaru around, watching what he was doing, his cruel eyes silently judging him for his naivety. That ghost also had blood dripping from his hands, and Subaru knew that it was Hokuto’s, and that it should have been his. There was no blood on his hands when Subaru saw him again, though, and his eyes were covered by sunglasses. He would seem almost normal, if Subaru didn’t know any better. If Subaru couldn’t smell the cherry blossoms around him.

            It was almost ridiculous the way they met again, something almost out of his old life. Subaru had been leaving an apartment building after helping a woman who was being haunted by her deceased sister. Speaking with her, Subaru had learned that her guilt over her sister’s death was what was keeping her there. He helped her move past her guilt, and say her final goodbyes to her sisters. He gave her a handkerchief. He didn’t tell her about his sister, and his guilt. He felt guilty not that he caused her death, but that the person he wanted back was her killer. Sometimes he tried to imagine what she would say to that, but it was hard to imagine anyone as joyful as Hokuto in his life anymore.

            Subaru stepped out of the building, and looked up at the sky to watch a bird fly past and didn’t look where he was going. He walked straight into another person. His apology died in his throat as he looked up into the face that haunted his dreams. A face that had _always_  haunted his dreams. If Seishiro was at all surprised to see Subaru, he didn’t show it. It was hard to tell, since his eyes were obscured by sunglasses, but his smirk seemed to show more amusement than shock. Later, Subaru would wonder if Seishiro planned to meet him outside that building. He couldn’t figure out a reason why Seishiro would want to see him, though, except maybe to continue to torment him.

            Subaru took in every detail of Seishiro he could. He seemed taller than he had before, and his hair a bit more disheveled. He wore a dark trench coat, and he had a box of cigarettes in his hand, poised to take one out. Seishiro opened his mouth as if to speak. Subaru didn’t hear whatever he had to say; he turned and ran.

***

            The next time he sees Seishiro, they don’t go near each other. Subaru is walking through Ueno park, trying hard not to think about horror that is buried in the park’s grounds, but unable to keep himself from visiting despite it. It’s beautiful here, and he wants to try to remember that, even as he still avoids his own reflection. He hears a child scream in the distance. When he whips his head around to see what’s wrong, he sees that the child is fine, his screams had been in delight as his mother presented him an ice cream cone. Subaru didn’t immediately turn his head back around, though. A short distance from the smiling family was Seishiro. He had the same smile on his face, the same sunglasses over his eyes, the same trench coat swayed in the breeze. His hands were in his pockets, and Subaru hoped that it was to keep them warm, not to hide blood that stained them. If only because the blood stained Seishiro was so often just a vision in Subaru’s head, and not the real man in front of his eyes. Instead of approaching Seishiro, Subaru turned and continued on his walk through the park. Now, instead of the cherry petals, his mind was on the dark figure following him from a distance. Subaru tried not to think about how he wanted that to be the real Seishiro and not his imagination.

            He wanted Seishiro to be there.

***

            The last time they met was on Rainbow Bridge.

            He’d had dinner with his grandmother that night, something he was avoiding doing more and more. He loved her, but the sadness that she wore like a cloak was more than he could bear. Mostly because he knew it was sadness for him. She was in mourning for two of her grandchildren, not just one. Subaru looked out at the city, the bright lights turning on as day turned into night, and thought about the other people in the city feeling loss and pain that night. He wondered if they had anyone to help them through it.

            As he thought, he felt someone come stand beside him. He wasn’t surprised to see Seishiro there in the lights of the bridge. He thought that maybe Seishiro would always be near him, whether he wanted him there or not. He turned to face the man who was both his love and his tormentor. Seishiro still had his sunglasses on, even though the sun had set. Subaru reached up and removed the glasses, and looked into his eyes. One was amber and piercing, and Subaru knew that he could see every part of Subaru’s soul, even the parts he wanted hidden. The other eye was cloudy, the vision gone from it. Subaru felt a familiar tug of guilt when he saw it, but Seishiro just smiled. Subaru dropped his hands to his sides.

            “Why?” Subaru asked. He didn’t mean just about why Seishiro had sacraficed his eye for him. He meant everything. Why did he go through all the effort? Why was he still here? Why did he do these things?

            “Because you’re mine,” Seishiro said, as if it were that simple.

            Maybe it was that simple. Subaru let himself be pulled into Seishiro’s embrace, and ignored the smell of blood beneath the smell of cherry blossoms.


End file.
